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Coerced to serve: EXIT
BEFORE YOU START
What is the course about (and what it is NOT about)
What to expect? From burdened, overwhelmed and tired, to rested and inspired
Resources and forms - (Accompanying material.)
Week 1: What kind of partner are you dealing with?
CHECKPOINT: some partners need a sit down, others need to be let go.
1- The fairness scale: from the brute to the reciprocal
2- The automatics scale: from the royal to the self-sufficient
3- The knowledge scale: from the switcher to the leader
4- The belief scale: From the ideology of worth to the individual theory
5- The learning scale: From the ego weaver to the mindful learner
QUESTION TIME: Was there a special circumstance, a new birth or health issues ?
Week 2 & 3 - The 9 values - The self chart
CHECKPOINT: You have to know this about yourself before any demands or changes
1- Your time: you can refuse to sell all of it. In fact, it's exactly what you should do
2- Your health: The second co-determiner of your quality of life
3- Your energy: physical, emotional and mental energizers / drainers.
4- Your vision / direction: Attention, Focus, analytical and critical skills + Imagination
5- Your knowledge: Your only bet to make a vision into reality
6- Associations: People you trade time, money, energy and thoughts with are important
7- Your personal brand: physical appreance, reputation, likeablity and charisma.
8- Your money: monetary assets under your control / name.
9-Your enlightenment: Contentment, peace and happiness
QUESTION TIME: Why did you sell your Toyota Corolla for 5 dollars to THEM?
Week 4 & 5: Wake the engineer up
CHECKPOINT: this is not the life you want, what is?
The dangers of communicating unspecified needs.
STEP 1: Life chart - an audit
STEP 2: Set your priorities, direction and vision
STEP 3: Creating the first buffer - your first excercise in creating space
STEP 4: What does balance look like to you as an individual?
STEP 5: How much space needs to be created for this to be possible?
STEP 6: Is that extra space possible with the configuration of people / assets you have now?
QUESTION TIME: are you afraid of conflict?
Week 6: time to rescue yourself
CHECKPOINT: the needy have no leverage. How much can you do independently?
STEP 1: Value saving, exchange and growth
STEP 2: The power of associations
STEP 3: Searching for opportunities - the must have skill
QUESTION TIME: Do you think you are capable?
Week 7: Communication time
CHECKPOINT: The partner shall know exactly what's up and so will you.
You know mansplaining, do you know manslating?
Communicate the need and a unilateral design
Offer to work on a mutual design
The cake seller: Takebacks are hard
Prepare to be made to feel worthless and/or asking for the impossible
Prepare also to be heard and given INITIAL validation
QUESTION TIME: what communication styles can be used with your partner?
Week 8: Case 1 - They fully intend to reach a good balance
Ask them to do their time use table, help them do that
Hand them your time use table, go through it, explain it.
Halt all values they benefit from which you don't: gym time, leisure, travel...
week 1: a week of your complete absence
week 2: a week of following your time use table
Discuss the tools and the plan ahead
QUESTION TIME: how much did they cooperate with the preparation phase?
Week 9: Case 1 - Mutual design techniques (and traps)
New currency: Valcoin
Two self charts
A joint life chart: House, child, car...
Rules of the joint life chart
Trap 1 : drip vs stash
Trap 2 : time and space constraints. some tasks make you be somewhere at some specific time
Trap 3 : free vs paid
Trap 4: handling their coins before your wads
The other 10 traps
Temporary special circumstances: plan for the normal
QUESTION TIME: how much of an "alien" did they prentend to be?
Week 10: Case 2- They think you could never.
CHECKPOINT: some ways are petty, some are toxic and some are assertive.
Principle 1: no harm, no abuse, no gaslighting
Principle 2: each approach has consequences on your mental and emotional self
Principle 3: each approach has consequences on the bond you share
Principle 4: don't offer benefits you are not afforded
Choose your player: Are you petty or are you scheming?
Engineering blocks / impasses
Initiating multiple propagations into the value chain
Fragmentation of the joint life
A last resort: withdrawal - be willing to buy yourself.
QUESTION TIME: Are they already checked out? and to what extent ?
Week 11: Read and handle the aftermath correctly
CHECKPOINT: Track progress outside of the excuses and the temporary gestures
Do NOT play coach or supervisor
Signs of gaming the agreement: prentending, decrescendo, theatrics, anger ...
Signs of compliance: results, absence of emotional negativity surrounding the new normal.
Repeated failure despite honest effort. Back to the Valcoin bank.
Stealth exit or Covert exit: When the partner decides they want to go back to doing nothing
Re-classify your post agreement partner
QUESTION TIME: How much time is enough time to see change?
Week 12: Your emotions through the process
Audit: have you been parentified, what is the age gap? how long have you been in this deal?
Emotional traps: 1- guilt
Emotional traps: 2- fear
Emotional traps: 3- doubt
QUESTION TIME: If you had only two more years to live, would this life be OK?
Course Conclusion
The journey is more about you than them, and I will tell you why.
Feedback and stories
The dangers of communicating unspecified needs.
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